Things Have To Get Worse Before They Get Better
by Samhain Eve
Summary: Aoyagi Ritsuka is fourteen years old. He has a terrible dream where the person that he loves, Agatsuma Soubi, leaves him. He decides to put it out on the line and tell Soubi how he feels. This is a story of what happens next. WARNING: YAOI! COMPLETE!
1. Revelations

**Author's Note: I loved this anime so I decided to do a fanfiction for it. I am sorry if it is really close to the series. I never completely finished it. I hope that you guys enjoy it.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Revelations<strong>

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><p>I held the cell phone close to my heart. I was toying with the idea of calling the one person that had occupied my mind more frequently than not. Every time I tried, however, I would chicken out at the last minute.<p>

_'Damnit! Just man up and do it!' _I thought to myself. I gathered up what courage I had and scrolled through the contact list. When I hit the one titled 'Agatsuma Soubi', I pressed the talk button and put the phone close to my human ear. I waited for it to start ringing impatiently.

_'Why didn't I just text him? Then I would have avoided this entire charade.'_ I thought to myself. I knew perfectly well why I had called instead of texted. I wanted to hear Soubi's voice. I waited for Soubi to pick up. Just when I thought that no one was going to answer, Soubi picked up the phone.

"Yes Ritsuka?" Soubi asked in a breathless voice. I frowned when I heard Soubi's voice. Soubi had never been breathless except for the one time that I had instigated a kiss. I started to get a bad feeling, but promptly forced the feeling down.

"Are you okay Soubi? You seem really breathless." I asked. I could hear my voice waver, but if Soubi caught it, he didn't mention it.

"Of course I'm fine. Kio. Please stop, I'm on the ph-" Soubi managed to get out before he was cut off by a loud moan. I could tell that it came from Soubi. I felt blood travel downwards at the sound of it. Arousal threatened to take over my thought process. However, there were more powerful emotions in play. These emotions completely overshadowed my arousal. The most powerful one was an immeasurable amount of grief. I suddenly felt anger at Soubi for making me feel so weak. My cat ears flattened against his head and my tail swished back and forth angrily.

"I guess you are busy. I'll just let you get to it then, shall I?" I said coldly. I immediately hung up before Soubi even had a chance to talk.

I sat there in stunned silence. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Soubi was cheating on me.

_'He can't cheat on you if you aren't even together.' _A voice in my head reminded me. '_Then why does it feel like I have been betrayed?'_ I countered the voice inside of my head.

I sighed and tried my hardest to calm down. However, whenever I try to calm myself down, I remember all of the times that I have shared with Soubi. When I went through my usual routine, I surprised myself by breaking down. I cried and didn't even care if my mother heard me. I was crying so hard that I didn't even notice my phone buzz and flash with a red light, a tell tale sign that I had received a text message from Soubi. When I finally calmed down enough to read it, I was hiccupping and was still sobbing lightly.

**_'Ritsuka... That wasn't what it seemed like. We need to talk. Meet me in the park where we shared our first kiss. I will be waiting for you.'_**

I couldn't deny that the idea was appealing, if only to see Soubi's face. However, I was afraid that if I did go, it would reveal how much I truly cared about him. I knew that I loved him, but I didn't think that I was ready for a relationship with him just yet.

Keeping that thought in mind, I curled into a ball and tried to get some sleep. It took almost an hour before I finally started to feel sleepy. I had shut my mind off so that I wouldn't think about Soubi and the pain that he caused me. When I finally fell asleep, I had a terrible dream.

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><p><strong>*Dream*<strong>

**In The Park**

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><p><em>I was sitting in the park where Soubi and I had recently agreed to meet. Soubi was running late and I was starting to get really anxious. In all of the time that I had known him, I had never known him to be late.<em>

_When Soubi finally arrived, it was with Kio. I started to get really worried, but I forced it down and waited for Soubi to speak._

_"Ritsuka. We're done. I don't want to be with you anymore." Soubi said suddenly._

_I felt all of my blood turn cold, like I had just been submerged in a tub full of ice. I felt something inside of me break._

_"B-but Soubi? I came here to apologize for the way that I treated you. I'm sorry." I said before his words could sink in properly. I knew that when they did, I would be left a sobbing mess._

_"It doesn't matter Ritsuka. I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't love you." Soubi said._

_With those words, Soubi created a cut into my heart, into my very being, that I knew would never heal. He had given me a taste of the love that I didn't even know that I was craving until I had met him. He made me feel alive inside and made everything seem better, no matter how bad things were. And now he was telling me that he didn't want me in his life. I didn't think that there could be a more horrible pain or a more excruciating torture._

_"Why are you saying this Soubi? What did I do wrong? Whatever it is, I'll fix it. Just. Don't go. Please." I said as my tears overflowed and ran down my cheeks before dripping off of my chin._

_"I got tired of waiting for you. I wanted nothing more than to be considered yours. You kept me waiting for too long, so I finally moved on." Soubi said and started to walk away._

_"Come back Soubi! You can have me! Just please... please don't leave me. I would die." I said and was astonished at how true those words were. I would die if I didn't have him in my life._

_"... It's too late Ritsuka. Good-bye." Soubi said and vanished with a smirking Kio, leaving me alone with a shattered soul._

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><p><em>I ran blindly to my house. I ran to my room, completely bypassing my mom. I shut the door and locked it before going over to my computer desk. I opened the top drawer and took out my pocket knife. The same one that Soubi had given me for my thirteenth birthday. I opened the blade and went over to my bed. I laid down on top of it and tried to clear my eyes so that I could see what I was doing.<em>

_"I can't live without you Soubi. I'm sorry. I love you." I said and sliced my wrist. The blood flowed down my arm and pooled in my sheets. I heard my mom bust down the door and felt her hovering over me. I just barely heard what she said._

_"Ritsuka! No! Please don't leave me alone! I was stupid for thinking that you weren't me real son. I'm sorry. So sorry. Please come back!" I heard my mother say. I looked down and realized that she was crying all over my chest._

_"Good-bye mom. I'm sorry for not being the son that you wished for. I love you." I said. I felt my eyelids get heavy and I shut them gratefully. Blackness instantly engulfed me._

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><p><strong>*End Dream*<strong>

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><p>I woke up in my bed, gasping and sweating all over. I felt dried tear tracks across my cheeks and my eyes felt puffy. The first thing that I noticed was that I was trembling all over. Not small shakes, but body rattling trembles. I had kicked away the covers and I was now freezing cold. I started to cry again once I went through the events of my horrible nightmare.<p>

_'Why does he affect me so much? I can't imagine a life without him.' _I thought.

I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and saw that it was too late to call Soubi. So, instead of calling him, I texted him a short message.

**_'Soubi. Meet me in the park tomorrow after school. We can talk then.'_**

I sent that and spent the rest of my night worrying about my dream. I needed to make sure that my dream wasn't going to become a reality.

When I decided to get up for good, it was only 5 in the morning. I still had another two hours before school started, but I couldn't handle lying in my bed for any longer. I decided to get on my computer to pass the time.

I started to research the Seven Moons. Even though I knew that Seimei was truly dead this time, I still liked researching it because it was where Soubi had come from. It was also where he suffered tremendous amounts of pain.

Just thinking his name was enough to make me feel like I was about to cry. I dried my eyes and focused on the computer screen completely. After an hour, I knew next to nothing about the Seven Moons. The only thing I knew was what Soubi had told me. I got a bit frustrated, so I shut down the computer.

I went downstairs and started to cook me a breakfast of eggs and bacon. When my mother came out, she fixed me in place with a murderous expression. I froze and waited for the outburst that I knew was coming.

"What are you doing? My Ritsuka would let his mother cook for him! You aren't my Ritsuka! You are a stranger! You will die for wearing Ritsuka's face! You aren't Ritsuka!" She screeched. She started to throw things at me. Most of them were harmless, but she managed to grab hold of a knife and she proceeded to throw it at me. It hit me on my side and I crumpled.

I was vaguely aware that my mother had stopped throwing things. I heard a door slam.

I used my last amount of strength to take out my phone and text the one person that I was hoping would help me no matter what. I texted Soubi again.

**_'Soubi. I need help. My mom hurt me really bad. Please help me.'_**

I just barely managed to hit the send button before blackness overtook me and I knew no more.

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><p>When I finally came to, I felt bandages on my side. I looked around and saw that I was in Soubi's apartment. I also realized that I was in Soubi's bed with my hand in his.<p>

I started to move around and Soubi's head snapped up. My eyes narrowed when I saw his. They were bloodshot.

"Have you been crying Soubi?" I asked. I kept my tone carefully neutral.

"Of course I haven't Ritsuka." Soubi said. I could tell that he was lying because his voice cracked.

"Tell me the truth Soubi. That's an order." I said with as much authority I could muster.

"... As you wish. Yes. I have been crying. I thought you were dead. When I found you, you were deathly white and there was blood all over the floor. If you were dead, I never would have been able to forgive myself. It was my fault that you were put in that situation. And don't you dare say that it wasn't." Soubi said. His pain made me feel like I was a failure as a friend... and maybe, one day, his lover.

"It wasn't your fault Soubi. It was mine. I got so jealous. I felt so betrayed. The only reason that I felt like that was because I l... I lo... I love you. I can't imagine a life without you. Every time I try to imagine it, I break down into tears. I think that... that I might want to be more than friends." I said. I knew that I was blushing, but I didn't really care.

I had my eyes shut, so I didn't see Soubi's eyes fill with fresh tears. When one dripped onto my hand, I snapped my eyes open. The next thing I knew, I had Soubi curled into my arms. I couldn't bear to see him cry, so I brought my head close to his.

"Kiss me Soubi." I said in a whisper. His eyes, though filled with tears, flashed with surprise. He complied and bent down. When his lips brushed mine, I sighed and melted into a puddle of figurative goo.

When we broke apart, I looked into his eyes and held his gaze. It surprised both of us when I asked the one question that I was afraid I would get a truthful answer to.

"Why did you do it Soubi? Why were you with Kio?" I asked in a clear voice. I was surprised at my guts. I saw pain and regret flash in Soubi's eyes, but I stayed adamant. I wasn't going to leave without an answer.

"I-I'm s-sorry Ritsuka. I was starting to get depressed. I think that Kio might have taken advantage of that. He thought that if he could pleasure me, then maybe I would cheer up. Your call saved me. Thank you." Soubi said sincerely. He had started off shakily, but managed to finish in a strong voice.

"I forgive you Soubi. Why were you starting to get depressed?" I asked curiously. I knew that I could have ordered him to tell me, but I wanted to see if he would tell me of his own free will. _'Please let him trust me enough to tell me without the orders.'_

"I was depressed because I thought that I was losing you. After we killed Seimei, I noticed that you didn't spend as much time with me as you used to. I thought that you had no need of me anymore. It made me hurt more than I had ever thought possible. I probably should have told you how I felt, but I couldn't find the right words. Please forgive me." Soubi begged. I felt happy and sad at the same time. On one hand, Soubi trusted me enough to tell me things without my having to give him orders. On the other hand, I was the one who was causing him so much pain. It made me sick to my stomach once I realized how oblivious I had been.

"What are you apologizing for? I am the one who should be apologizing for not seeing this sooner. It is my duty as your Sacrifice and as your boyfriend to notice these things and I failed. Will you forgive me?" I asked. Soubi, however, ignored the question for a few minutes.

"What do you mean by 'boyfriend'? I thought that you weren't ready for a relationship." Soubi said. I could hear the hope in his voice. I smiled at him and kissed him again.

"I'm ready. I didn't think that I was, but I was wrong. I love you and that will never change. Just please... don't leave me." I said in a voice that I hoped portrayed how much even thinking about him leaving me would hurt me.

"I couldn't ever leave you. I love you too much. I need to see your face. You are like a drug that I can't ever get enough of." Soubi told me.

I knew that he was telling the truth when he said that he loved me. If he didn't, he would have left me when Seimei died for good. At first, it had only been Seimei's orders that made Soubi stay with me and pretend that he loved me. Soubi must have known that Seimei was alive because I knew that he didn't love me at first and yet, he still stayed with me.

"Thank you Soubi. You don't know how much that means to me." I said honestly. Soubi chuckled then stopped with no warning.

"What's wrong Soubi? Did I do something wrong?" I asked, already jumping to conclusions.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I was just thinking. What are we going to do about your mother? I won't have her hurting you anymore." Soubi said protectively.

I got lost in thought. _'Damnit. I didn't even stop to consider that. I could ask him to take my ears. That way, my mother wouldn't have any choice but to let us stay together. That might just makes things worse though. What to do, what to do?' _I thought silently. I debated with myself for a few minutes, trying to decide whether or not I should ask him. I thought about my dream and made up my mind.

"Soubi? You could... take... my... ears." I said in a whisper that I knew he had heard. I was blushing like crazy. I heard and felt him chuckle again.

"Don't be silly Ritsuka. First of all, you aren't ready yet and second, that would just make matters worse. No... I think I have a better idea. How would you like to come and live with me?" Soubi asked. He had managed to keep his voice light, but I could sense that he was nervous.

"Are you sure Soubi? I'm only fourteen, so I can't take care of myself yet. I know that I can be a nuisance. I don't want to be a burden to you." I said. I truly wanted to live with him, but I was almost certain that I would be a burden to him. I couldn't bring myself to do that.

"I am absolutely certain. You could never be a burden to me." Soubi assured me.

"If you're sure... then yes. I would love to live with you." I said and kissed him hard.

_'Maybe my life will get better now.' _I thought. I just didn't know how good it would actually get.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I hope that this was a good first chapter. I didn't know how good a fanfiction I could do with this anime, but it is my favorite one, so I decided that I had to try. To all of the people reading my other story, I have not forgotten about it. I just wanted to get this story up first.<strong>


	2. Take Me

**Author's Note: This is the second chapter to my Loveless fanfiction. I am sorry that it took so long, but I wanted to give the viewers time to review. I hope that you guys have liked it so far. I would like to thank my beta fulofhyperness. YOU ARE SO AWESOME!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Take Me<strong>

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><p>It took me two days, and one huge fight with my mother, to get my things over to Soubi's. I was worried about my mother being alone, so Soubi took me to a mental hospital. The people there asked me a series of questions, most of which I answered without hesitation. When they asked if my mother had abused me, I lifted my shirt and showed them the healing knife wound.<p>

"Thank you for coming here. I know how hard this must be for you. My father abused me much the same way. He very nearly killed me. You are lucky that you had this man here to help you. We'll get your mother here as soon as possible. In the meantime, I suggest that you go somewhere else. If you have a cell phone, just give us your number and we will call you when she is safely here. Can he stay with you sir?" The doctor asked Soubi.

"That won't be a problem." Soubi said. He left out the fact that I was already living with him. For that, I silently thanked him. Having the doctor know that I was already living with him would just raise too many questions.

When we left, we walked back over to Soubi's and waited for the doctor's call. I knew that I was on edge and I tried my hardest to ignore my growing uneasiness. I just wasn't sure that what I was doing was right.

"Soubi? Can we paint something together?" I asked. He looked up at me a little surprised, but pleased as well. I needed the distraction.

"Okay. What do you want to paint?" Soubi asked me.

"Hmm... Could you do a portrait of me?" I asked. I knew that Soubi had been wanting to do a portrait of me for a long time. I also wanted to see what I looked like through his eyes.

"Of course. Are you sure you want me to do a portrait of you though? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." Soubi told me sincerely.

"I don't feel uncomfortable. I would like to try something though." I said. I knew that I was blushing.

"What is it Ritsuka?" Soubi asked curiously.

Instead of answering, I decided to just show him. I started to undress. When I looked into Soubi's eyes and saw them come ablaze with hunger. When I got down to my boxers, I looked into Soubi's eyes and shivered. I felt myself getting turned on by the look that he was giving me.

"Wh-what are you doing Ritsuka?" Soubi asked in a husky voice. I had never heard him talk like that and it only served to turn me on even more. My erection was starting to ache so I lost the boxers. When I straightened back up, I blushed hard. Soubi's eyes were going all over my body. When his eyes landed on my recently freed erection, his eyes stopped roaming. He licked his lips and I groaned. I never knew that just seeing him do that would be so erotic.

"S-Soubi. It hurts. Make it stop hurting." I said. I blinked in surprise when I heard my voice. It sounded lustful and just downright **sexy. **Apparently, Soubi thought so as well. He moaned out loud and looked at me with pleading eyes.

I gulped when I saw his eyes. The look that he was giving me caused my knees to start to shake. I went over and straddled his lap. When I positioned myself, his erection was placed right in between my ass. When I tried to shift so that I could kiss him, I moaned out loud instead. His cock rubbing me in that way caused delicious friction. I did it again and covered my mouth to try and muffle the sounds that were escaping from my lips.

"Ritsuka... stop. We are going too fast." Soubi said. I drew back, slightly stung. I quickly got up from his lap and stood a good distance away from him. I was flushed a panting heavily. My erection was practically begging to be touched and it scared me.

"I-I'm going to take a shower." I said abruptly. I fled to the bathroom before he could stop me and shut the door. I locked it for good measure and sat down on the floor. I just sat there for a few minutes, trying to calm down. Every time I felt like I was starting to calm down, Soubi's hungry eyes would pop back up and I would be right back at square one. I finally just gave up and got into the shower. I turned the water on cold and stepped in.

When the water hit me, I yelped and jumped back. I took a deep breath to steady myself and got back in. When the cold water hit me again, I clenched my teeth instead of yelping. I tried to take my time so that I would have time to calm down. Despite trying to take it slow, I ended up rushing through it. Even so, I ended up with purple lips and uncontrollable shivers. When I got out, I realized that I had neglected to bring in any clothes. I didn't want to leave the bathroom just yet, but I didn't really have a choice. I knew that I would freeze if I didn't get warm quickly.

I went into the room that Soubi and I shared. I went over to the drawers and got out the necessary clothes. All the while, my teeth were chattering away. I got dressed as quickly as my clumsy, and slightly numb, fingers would allow. When I was fully dressed, I decided to make some tea.

When I got to the kitchen, however, Soubi was already there. I saw that Soubi had already made some tea.

"I'm sorry Soubi. That was completely out of line." I said in a soft and frail voice. Soubi looked into my eyes and all I saw was love and warmth within their depths.

"It's fine Ritsuka. Next time, just make sure that you are ready. I very nearly lost control that time." Soubi said with a smile.

"Ok. I can do that. Can we still paint though?" I asked hopefully. I wanted to make it up to him, and I couldn't think of a better way to do that.

"Of course. I would still like to paint you, but you should probably keep your clothes on this time." Soubi said jokingly. I blushed hard and nodded. I shivered violently again and I knew that Soubi had caught it.

"You look cold Ritsuka. Why are you shivering?" Soubi asked me. I looked at the ground before speaking.

"I couldn't 'calm down' at all, so I took a freezing cold shower. It worked, but I ended up freezing and shivering. I came here in to make some tea so that I could warm up." I said. Soubi gently lifted my head and smiled at me. I found myself smiling back at him. He handed me some tea and I sipped it gratefully. It instantly warmed me up and I found that my movements were more precise than before.

"Thank you. That helps a lot. Has the doctor called yet?" I asked.

"He has. He wanted me to tell you that your mother is safe. They got her to the hospital without any problems." Soubi said reassuringly.

I nodded and took a minute for the news to settle. Once that was done, I drank the rest of my tea and pulled Soubi into the living room.

I laid down on the couch while Soubi went all over the place, grabbing the required materials to paint.

When he finally got all of them, I was just starting to get impatient. I took a deep breath and settled into a natural position. One leg was tucked under me while the other was dangling off of the couch. I laid my arms against the back of the couch to either side of me. I rested my head on my shoulder and closed my eyes. I heard Soubi moan a bit and I cracked open one of my eyes.

Soubi was sitting on the ground with his painting supplies scattered around him. He was looking up at me hungrily. I shivered and forced my body not to react to the heated gaze that he was giving me.

"Soubi? Aren't you supposed to be painting me?" I asked. I was happy that my voice came out playfully scolding. My voice apparently brought him out of whatever fantasy he was having because he glanced towards my face. He shivered and looked away. I smirked and closed my eyes again.

Soubi sketched me for about an hour before finally getting out the paints. It took another two hours before he was done painting and told me that I could move. I got up and immediately fell back down. My body was too stiff from staying in one position for so long that I couldn't even stand up. I blushed again once I realized that I couldn't get up without help.

"Soubi? Can you help me? I'm kinda stuck." I said. Soubi chuckled and got up. He leisurely stretched and made his way towards me. Slowly. _Very _slowly. I saw his smirk and immediately narrowed my eyes at him.

"Hurry the fuck up Soubi. I need help!" I said without thinking about the consequences. When Soubi stopped, I looked into his eyes. I wished that I hadn't. His eyes had darkened with an emotion that I had seen very rarely on his face: pure lust. I tried my hardest to not be affected by the heated gaze that he was giving me, but I was fighting a losing battle.

"Soubi? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.

"I had no idea that a single word could have such an intense effect on me." Soubi said cryptically. He took another step closer and I felt my cock twitch. I tried to move my hands to hide the growing tent in my pants, but I didn't get very far. Soubi, however, noticed the small movement and he guessed where my destination was. He looked down towards my crotch and I heard him groan.

"Oh god Ritsuka. I need you so bad." Soubi said in his husky voice. I shuddered with suppressed need and want. I wanted him so bad that it was hurting me not to have him close.

"Then come and get me Soubi." I said. Soubi was the one who shivered that time. He hesitated for a moment before coming over to my side.

Soubi started to kiss me with a passion that left me breathless and light headed. I still wasn't able to move my body, so I was powerless to stop him when he started to take my clothes off for me. Not that I wanted him to stop, of course. He took off my shirt and rubbed against my rapidly swelling nipples. I moaned out loud at the pleasure it caused. Soubi smirked and bent his head.

"Wh-what are you doing Soubi?" I asked. I flinched when I heard my voice. It was breathless and it sounded so _vulnerable. _I moaned louder when I felt something warm and wet glide over my nipple. Soubi's hand snaked around and tweaked my other nipple. I started moaning so much that it left me a bit hoarse.

"S-Soubi! I need more!" I half-yelled. I groaned when Soubi pulled away, but it was cut short by a mouth pressing against mine. I felt a tongue seeking entrance. I granted it without a second thought; when I felt his tongue touch mine, I felt sparks fly. I knew that we were creating a bond deeper than anything I had ever known. I wanted Soubi more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I don't mean just sex. I mean that I want him to love me and hold me and be with me for the rest of our lives.

"Soubi. Please. Take my ears." I said. I managed to not blush. He stopped touching me and looked deeply into my eyes. I looked back steadily. After a few seconds, Soubi must have seen what he was looking for because he nodded.

Soubi's hands moved down to my boxers. He didn't hesitate in ripping the boxers off of my body. I groaned when the cold air hit my exposed member. Soubi shivered and bent his head again. I shivered a bit when I felt his loose hair gliding across my stomach. He licked his way down my body and stopped just before he hit my cock. I knew the reason why he had stopped.

"Don't stop. Please." I whined. Soubi descended on my quivering tip and swallowed me in one go. I moaned and managed to move my hips up, trying to get deeper into his wonderful heat. Soubi let me for awhile before he stopped me with his hand. He gave me one last, strong suck. I moaned the loudest that I had ever done before. He released my cock and I groaned loudly at the loss.

"Why did you stop Soubi?" I asked in a whimpering voice. I hated myself for feeling so weak, but I was too far gone to care. When I saw Soubi get up, I felt really depressed. I thought that he would stop it there. The feeling lasted only until he came back with a small bottle in his hand.

"What is that for Soubi?" I asked curiously.

"Before I answer that, do you really want to lose your ears to me tonight?" He asked me seriously. I knew that he was at least as horny as I was, judging by the tent in his pants. I also knew that he was putting that aside so that he could make sure that I was ready for it.

"I'm sure Soubi." I said sincerely. I didn't say anything else. I knew that I didn't need to. Soubi nodded in understanding and opened the lid. He poured a generous amount on his fingers. He opened my legs up and I felt him probe at my entrance. I shifted a bit and flinched when one of his fingers entered me. It didn't hurt per se, but it did feel strange. I wasn't used to having anything shoved up there and I certainly wasn't expecting it to feel this good. Soubi started to fuck me with his fingers. After a few thrusts, I got used to the feeling and I let myself enjoy the pleasure that he was bringing me. I didn't think that my pleasure could get any better. I was wrong.

When Soubi changed the angle, he hit something hidden deep inside of me. I threw my head back in a silent scream as my vision momentarily turned white.

Soubi took the opportunity of my momentary distraction to add a second finger. I felt it and flinched a little. He started to stretch me out and I groaned. It burned a bit. However, it was bearable because Soubi never once missed my prostate. When I tried to touch myself to get some much needed friction, Soubi swatted my hand away.

"No Ritsuka. You can't come yet. I'm not even inside you." Soubi said.

When he tried to add a third finger, I couldn't hold back the scream that bubbled in the back of my throat. Soubi immediately pulled back a finger.

He took his other hand, which had been busy tweaking my nipples, and trailed it down my back. He gripped the base of my tail and stroked it softly. I had told him that my tail was unusually sensitive. I made a soft mewling sound and closed my eyes. It just felt so good.

When Soubi got the third finger in, it didn't hurt anywhere near as much. It still burned quite a bit, but it no longer felt like I was being ripped in half. I found that I could mostly ignore it. The burning sensation passed quickly and I found myself enjoying the feeling of being stretched quite a bit.

When Soubi finally pulled all of his fingers out, I groaned from their loss. I opened my eyes and watched, entranced, as Soubi undressed. When he got down to his boxers, I forced myself to move. I stopped his hands before he could pull them off. Soubi looked into my eyes questioningly.

"Let me do that Soubi." I said simply. I pulled them down slowly and shivered when his erection was revealed.

_'It's so big! I wonder what it tastes like.'_ I thought to myself. I decided to be bold. I bent my head down towards his leaking tip. I flicked my tongue over it and heard him gasp. I knew that he was trying his hardest not to buck his hips into my mouth.

Soubi tasted like nothing I had ever sampled before. He tasted like nicotine. Probably from all of the cigarettes he smokes. It wasn't overpowering though. He also, for some odd reason, tasted like cherries. I found the taste immensely satisfying and I automatically got addicted to it.

"Rit-suka. Stop. I'm going to come." Soubi said breathlessly. I pouted a bit and stopped. He looked into my eyes and I shuddered yet again.

"Take me." I said in a whisper. I needed him as much as I needed to breathe. I just hoped that he would comply with my wish.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I am truly sorry that it took so long for me to get this up. I took quite a long break. I feel ready to get back into it though. Anyways, I would like you to thank my amazing and spectacular beta, fulofhyperness. I don't know how much more of this I could do without you. Thank you.<strong>

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><p><strong>Beta Note: You know what Anari, I will never be as awesome as you….Hope all of you readers are enjoying Anari's amazing talent!<strong>


	3. Forgiveness

**Author's Note: I hope that you won't be too mad at me for this chapter. It won't be like you expected. But I still hope that you will like it. Anyways, enjoy!**

**I would like to thank my one and only beta: fulofhyperness! You are amazing.**

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><p><strong>Beta Note: Not as amazing as you! :3<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Forgiveness<strong>

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><p>Soubi just stared at me in surprise. He was frozen for a few heartbeats. I could see him start to comprehend what I had said. I was really happy when he gave me a truly heartfelt smile.<p>

"Are you sure?" Soubi asked me seriously. I knew that he wanted me more than words could ever express. I also knew that he would stop if I asked him to.

"Absolutely! Now just shut up and take me." I said with a smile.

Soubi nodded and placed his tip at my entrance. Just as he was about to push in, his phone rang. He started to get up.

"No. Don't go. Just ignore it. Please!" I begged.

"I can't Ritsuka, it could be something important." Soubi said. I felt extreme annoyance at whoever was calling.

"Yes? Natsuo, what are you call me for? What? How did this happen? I'll be right there." Soubi said earnestly. I could hear the worry in his voice and it set me on edge.

"What's wrong Soubi?" I asked. I had a feeling that we weren't going to finish what we had started, but at the moment, I really didn't care; I was too worried about Soubi.

"Kio got hurt really badly. He is asking for me. I need to go." Soubi said before getting dressed, grabbing his coat and keys, and leaving, shutting the door in my face just as I was about to suggest that I tag along with him.

When the door shut, I stood in the doorway for a few minutes, just trying to take in what had just happened. I mechanically got my clothes and got dressed. When I was dressed, I just sat on the couch in a daze. I just didn't know what it was about Kio that made Soubi run after him all of the time. I just wanted to be alone with the one person that I held closest to my heart.

I lost track of time and my senses. When I heard the door open, my mind vaguely realized that it wasn't daytime anymore because the door didn't let in any light when it was opened. I looked up into the eyes of Soubi and looked away again. I just couldn't look at him; it hurt too much.

"How long have you been here Ritsuka?" Soubi asked me. I could hear the concern in his voice, but I couldn't bring myself to reply to the concern. I eventually decided that it would be childish not to answer, so I replied to his question.

"Ever since you left." I said in an emotionless voice. I just couldn't feel anything at the moment.

"Ritsuka! That was like 7 hours ago! At least tell me you ate something!" Soubi scolded. Soubi was harsher than usual and, for some absurd reason, it brought tears to my eyes. I lowered my head so that my bangs covered my eyes. Only then did I reply.

"I wasn't hungry. How is Kio?" I asked in my emotionless voice, just to change the subject.

"He's okay now. He tried to commit suicide." Soubi said bluntly. I could tell that Soubi was really angry at Kio.

"Why would he do that?" I asked as the tears slid down my cheeks. I was proud of myself for keeping my voice steady.

"Because I won't love him like he loves me. I can't love him the way that he loves me because my heart already belongs to you." Soubi said lovingly. At that, I couldn't hold in the sob that broke through my defenses.

"What's wrong Ritsuka? Why are you crying?" Soubi asked in an alarmed tone. I wasn't going to tell him, but I was tired of keeping things bottled up.

"Do you know how much it hurt me to watch you leave just as we were about to make love? I can't feel anything right now except hurt. It wouldn't hurt as bad if you had gone off for someone other than Kio." I said in my mechanical voice.

I heard Soubi approach me and I looked up into his eyes. When his gaze locked with mine, he must have seen something that shocked him because he stopped dead in his tracks. I lowered my head back down quickly, but not quickly enough. Soubi had managed to see the dried tear tracks on my cheeks and he also saw how red and puffy my eyes were. When his arms moved to encircle my body, I stayed the way I was, even though all I wanted to do was cuddle up to him and cry my eyes out.

"Please look at me Ritsuka." Soubi pleaded.

When I didn't respond, Soubi forced my head up, which wasn't hard considering I didn't put up a fight. When he crashed our lips together, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry. I broke away from the kiss and sobbed hard while Soubi held me in his arms.

"I just don't want to lose you Soubi. I know that you say that you won't leave, but then you run off to find Kio right as we were about to do the most important thing in my life. I love you Soubi, and I just want the chance to show you that." I sobbed out.

"What can I do to help Ritsuka? I will do anything." Soubi said.

"There is nothing you can do right now. Just... hold my tightly, please." I said as I felt my sobs die down.

I felt him tighten his hold on me. I cried for awhile longer before falling asleep.

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><p><strong>(Soubi's Point Of View)<strong>

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><p>As I looked down at Ritsuka's sleeping face, I couldn't help but feel horrible. I knew that I had caused him an immeasurable amount of pain. I also knew that Ritsuka probably wouldn't open up to me like he had for a long time.<p>

I cursed Kio and myself for making Ritsuka feel like that. I sighed in frustration and tried to get some sleep. However, I soon found out that I couldn't.

I laid on the couch with Ritsuka for about 15 minutes before everything came crashing down on me at once. I realized that everything that had happened had been my fault. Kio had tried to kill himself because I didn't love him like he loved me. Ritsuka was hurt because I ran off to Kio when we were about to make love. He probably felt like I was scared and was looking for an excuse to run. I don't know why it had taken me that long to realize that I had hurt them both.

"I'm sorry Ritsuka." I said quietly. Usually, I didn't show my emotions unless I was around Ritsuka. Even then, I rarely showed sadness. This time however, I couldn't hold back the tears. I tried my hardest to remain quiet while I wept. I managed to stay quiet, but I couldn't help the violent shakes that racked my body.

I held Ritsuka close to me and buried my face in his silky hair. I knew that I would probably wake him up, but I pretended that I didn't care. I just wanted him to know how sorry I was for hurting him.

When I felt him start to stir, I got up and went to my bedroom. I didn't truly want to wake him up, no matter how hard I pretended. The only reason I pretended in the first place was because I wanted him to hold me; that would have been selfish though. So, instead, I holed myself up in my bedroom and wept alone.

When I heard my door open, I glanced to the door. I realized that I must have woken Ritsuka up when I had moved to my room. Seeing his face so devoid of emotion brought up the fact that he was hurting because of me. I started to cry harder. I was a bit surprised when Ritsuka's eyes flashed with concern.

When Ritsuka started to get closer, I made no move to stop him. If I was being honest with myself, then I would have to admit that I would rather enjoy being held by him. I wanted to feel like there was a chance for forgiveness.

When his arms went around me, I snuggled closer to him while I got my emotions under control. Eventually, I felt like I was calm enough to speak without breaking down into an emotional wreck.

"I'm sorry Ritsuka. You shouldn't be going through this. I hurt you so much and for that, I am so sorry. What can I do to earn your forgiveness?" I asked in a near whisper.

"There is nothing you can do. I have already forgiven you. What kind of person would I be if I didn't forgive something like that? You were just being a good friend and I guess that I just got really jealous. I swear to you that it won't happen again." I knew that he was telling the truth. He had always been a bad liar and I knew how to tell if he was lying.

"Thank you Ritsuka. I know that I don't deserve it." I said.

"Nonsense!" Ritsuka exclaimed. "If you didn't deserve it, then I wouldn't have forgiven you."

I smiled at my own stubbornness. I turned over so that I was facing Ritsuka and placed a kiss on his lips. At first, he didn't respond. Soon though, he lost control and started kissing back. It wasn't a lustful kiss; it was a kiss that was filled with love and acceptance, something I knew we both needed at that moment. We held each other close and fell asleep.

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><p>When I woke up, I snuggled closer to my Ritsuka. I felt myself start to grin, but suddenly froze as I remembered the events of the previous day. The grin had completely vanished when I remembered the expression that was on Ritsuka's face. I was suddenly feeling very nervous. I didn't want Ritsuka to have the same expression when he woke up.<p>

"Soubi?" I heard a voice murmur right beside me. I flinched a bit and tried my hardest to remain calm. I turned to look at him, and what I saw made me happy. He didn't look dead inside anymore; in fact, he looked like he didn't even remember. I knew that, if he didn't, he would soon. I didn't want that.

"Good morning Ritsuka. How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Like the dead. I never do that unless... oh." He ended. I turned around because I didn't want to see the dead look in his eyes. I knew that he had remembered as soon as his body had tensed up.

"Please look at me Soubi." Ritsuka said. I didn't want to, but I knew that it would hurt him even more if I didn't. I took a deep, calming breath and turned around. I breathed an audible sigh of relief once I saw that his eyes weren't dead looking. However, he did look cautious, which still hurt.

"I forgive you Soubi. I love you too much to hold a grudge." Ritsuka said. When he smiled, I found myself smiling back. I was surprised when he moved his face closer to mine.

"Kiss me Soubi." He breathed. I was more than happy to do so. I leaned in and placed my lips against his. I kept the kiss controlled. When I felt his tongue flick over my lips, I pulled back.

"Why did you pull away? Don't you want me?" Ritsuka asked.

"Of course I want you Ritsuka, but I hurt you really bad last night. I know that you have forgiven me, but I know that you are still hurting. It will take time for you to heal. I say that we wait at least a week before we move any further than kissing." I said. I saw his cat ears droop slightly.

"Ok. What do you want to do then?" He asked. I knew that he was disappointed, but I convinced myself that it was for the best. I just hoped that he felt the same way.

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><p><strong>(Ritsuka's Point Of View)<strong>

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><p>"I say that we wait at least a week before we move any further than kissing." Soubi said.<p>

I couldn't stop my ears from drooping slightly. Even though he had hurt me a lot, I still wanted to show him how much I loved him.

"Ok. What do you want to do then?" I asked. I was disappointed that I couldn't show him how much I loved him. Then an idea popped into my head. I wondered how long it would take Soubi to want me so bad that he just up and took me. I decided that I wanted to find out. I smirked and my ears perked back up. Soubi saw this and looked at me strangely before answering my question.

"How about we go and get some ice cream?" Soubi asked hesitantly. I knew that he was still trying to make up for the previous night, so I said yes. I was actually really excited about it. Soubi rarely took me out to get ice cream because he thinks that ice cream is bad for me. The last time he had taken me, we had just barely survived our fight with Seimei.

"Okay!" I said excitedly. I saw Soubi's face brighten, which just lifted my spirits even more.

It only took 15 minutes to walk to the nearest ice cream shop, and I enjoyed spending the walk with Soubi. When we had walked out of his apartment, I got up as close to him as I could. I had never made our relationship public, but I wanted Soubi to know that I loved him and that I didn't care what people thought of it. At first, when I had grabbed his arm, he looked slightly alarmed. I smiled at him and kissed him on the lips. When I pulled away, he looked completely baffled. I shushed any questions that he might have had with a finger to his lips. Then I tugged on his arm. He got the message and started to walk again.

When we got there, I ordered a vanilla ice cream cone with a cherry on top. Soubi ordered a strawberry ice cream cone. We thanked the cashier and left with our ice cream. When we left the shop, I called Soubi's name. When he turned to look at me, I plucked off the cherry and put it in between my teeth. I leaned in closer and pressed my lips to his. I bit the cherry in half and ate my half. I then forced the other half through his slightly parted lips. I knew that everyone in the store was looking at us and, for once, I truly didn't care. I was with the man that I loved and nothing could ruin that. I felt like I had come so close to losing him that I no longer cared who saw us together.

After I broke apart, I saw that his face was slightly pink and that he was panting slightly. He still didn't look even close to breaking though. I frowned slightly.

_'This is going to be a very long week.' _I thought to myself.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: This took a long time to type, but I am glad that it is done. Please don't be mad at me for the ending. I don't know how I thought of this, but I think that it works fantastically. I would like to thank my beta again. You are amazing fulofhyperness. Thank you for beta-ing for me.<strong>


	4. Misunderstandings

**Author's Note: I am sorry for waiting so long to update this. I have been lazy. I just finished writing the next chapter, so here it is. I hope that it fulfills what you have wanted and that you won't be mad at me for the outcome. Enjoy.**

**Give a huge THANK YOU to my beta: FULOFHYPERNESS! If you haven't read any of her stories, you must go read them. They are amazing.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Misunderstandings<strong>

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><p>Soubi was playing so hard to get. I wanted him so bad that it was starting to physically hurt me. I had laid down so many hints that it was unbelievable that he was being so resistant. I even went as far as crawling on top of him. I started to kiss him. He let that go. Then I started to grind my erection against his hips. He let that go for a fraction of a second before he pulled me off of him.<p>

The one upside was that I was so intent on breaking him that I lost track of the days. When I realized what day it was, I practically jumped for joy. The next day was the end of the week sentence. I still had one more idea. I wanted to see if I could break him. I just hoped that he took the bait.

It was nighttime and I had gone off to my room. Soubi made me sleep in a separate room shortly after he set up the one week thing. I got up out of my bed and padded towards Soubi's room.

When I opened the door, I silently crept in and snuggled up as close to Soubi as I could get. When he stirred, I answered the question that I knew he was going to ask.

"It's me Soubi. I had a nightmare. Would it be all right if I slept with you tonight?" I asked innocently. I intentionally made my voice waver. I felt him shift slightly and I started to fear that he would say no, at least, until he put his arms around me.

"Of course you can. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me. I brought forth my worst nightmare. When I remembered it, I shuddered involuntarily.

"I was in the school where Seimei died. I was there with him and I could see him burning. He was screaming and I couldn't help but run to help him. As soon as I touched him, I felt like _I _was the one burning. I kept my eyes opened long enough to see him smirk triumphantly. I woke up, gasping and covered in sweat. I just need to sleep next to you tonight." I said. It wasn't entirely a lie. I had nightmares about that all of the time, I just hadn't had one in awhile.

All of a sudden, I didn't feel like trying to force Soubi to do anything. I snuggled up close to Soubi and closed my eyes. I was asleep immediately.

_When I woke up, I was in an empty classroom. The desks were in straight rows and they seemed to be pointing towards the front of the classroom. The front was shrouded in darkness and just looking at it made me terrified. I didn't want to go there, but my legs seemed to have a mind of their own. They were dragging me closer and closer to the inky blackness. As I got closer, I realized that it was also getting warmer. I started to panic. I knew that once I set foot in the darkness, I would be consumed._

_"There is no use fighting it Ritsuka. You are destined to be loveless. You know this, yet you still insist on pursuing Soubi. Why?" I heard a voice ask from behind me. I knew that it was Seimei. I could never forget his voice. I gave a bitter laugh before answering my older brother._

_"Because I love him. I will prove to you that my true name does not describe my destiny. I will be living proof that destinies can be rewritten." I said. While I was speaking, my legs kept dragging me towards the inky darkness. It had become uncomfortably hot._

_My legs finally decided to stop at the very edge. It had become so hot that I could barely breathe. I closed my eyes and waited for that final step. When I didn't move, I opened my eyes._

_Standing right in front of me was Soubi. I looked into his eyes and saw love and acceptance. I reached out for him just as he reached out for me. I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. I was looking into his eyes while I did this so I saw the love and acceptance in his eyes transform into pure hatred. He tugged on my arm with all of his strength. I was so shocked with the transformation in his eyes that I stumbled towards him. As soon as my body touched the darkness, I felt like I was on fire. It hurt so bad that I couldn't even scream. I could see though. It was almost as if my eyes were being forced to stay open. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was Soubi's face. He looked triumphant._

I bolted upright in the bed. I felt someone rubbing soothing circles on my back. It took me a minute to remember that I was in Soubi's bed. When I remembered the hatred that was in his eyes, I broke down. I knew that it had been a dream, but it had all seemed so real.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong. I want to help you." Soubi said. I could tell that he was concerned about me, but that revelation did little to help me. I just needed to know how he felt about me.

"Do you... hate... me?" I asked quietly. While I asked that, I was trying to fight my emotions so that I could gain control.

"Of course not! What in the world would make you think that I hated you?" He asked in confusion.

"Because... because I killed Seimei. I never asked you how you felt about him. For all I know, you could have loved him." I said dejectedly. The more time that passed without him answering just served to confirm my suspicions. Eventually, I got so tired of waiting for an answer that I got up out of the bed. I made it to the door before Soubi finally spoke.

"Where are you going Ritsuka?" He asked me quietly.

"I'm going to my room. I just need to be alone right now." I lied. I had no intention of actually going to my room.

When Soubi didn't say anything more, I took that as my cue to leave. I opened the door and walked out. I went to the kitchen. I had only been living with Soubi for a week and I already knew where everything was. I went straight to the drawers. I opened one and got out a kitchen knife. Then I closed it and walked out of the apartment. I made sure that I shut the door quietly. I needed to go somewhere safe. I decided to go to the park where Soubi and I shared our first kiss. I just hoped that Soubi didn't decide to come looking for me.

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><p><strong>(Soubi's Point Of View)<strong>

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><p>I felt terrible. I knew that Ritsuka probably feared the worst. And all because I couldn't speak. I was just so surprised at his question that I couldn't even begin to think of a response. When he got to the door, I managed to speak, but his response shocked me even more. I knew that Ritsuka hated to be alone.<p>

I groaned in frustration. I was mad at myself because I knew that this was my fault. I got up and made my way to Ritsuka's room. I had made him sleep in a separate room from me because I didn't know if I could control myself while I was around him.

_'Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I leave him alone? He has been acting so strange this past week. I am such an idiot.' _I thought to myself.

When I opened his door, I paused in confusion. He wasn't in his room.

"Ritsuka? Where are you?" I asked. When I didn't get an answer, I started to panic. I went back to my door and picked up Ritsuka's scent quickly. What puzzled me was the fact that his scent didn't seem to be going towards his room, but rather to the kitchen. I followed his scent and paused in front of the kitchen drawers. I used intuition and opened the second one down, the knife drawer. I immediately knew that one was missing. I had a pretty good idea of what he would do with it. I just hoped that I was wrong.

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><p>It took me almost five minutes to find his scent. I had a powerful nose, but his scent was just so faint. When I picked up the direction of the scent, I knew where he had gone.<p>

I made my way to the park as quickly as I could. When I got close to it, my nostrils were assaulted with the coppery scent of blood. It made my stomach turn, but I forced down my queasiness. I somehow managed to run faster. I found him at the bench where I had kissed him. I gasped when I saw his arm. He had at least three cuts. One on his wrist, one on his forearm, and another one just above his elbow. At first, I thought that he was dead. Then I saw his chest rise and fall, albeit very slowly.

Luckily for me, and him, I brought along my first aid kit. I had a feeling that I would need it, so I brought it along. I quickly opened it and got out what I needed. When I tried to approach him, he got scared and tried to run. He only made it a few feet before he collapsed. I looked back at the table and saw that it was slick with a horrifying amount of blood.

I went over to Ritsuka. When I got close to his injured arm, he tried to fight me away. I easily overpowered him. When he saw that he was fighting a losing battle, he quit struggling.

I held his arm down while I poured hydrogen peroxide on it. White foam immediately started to appear on the cut. Ritsuka arched his back, but he refused to utter a single sound. I cleaned the blood away from the wound and cursed. He had cut himself deep enough that he had needed stitches. I quickly got out the needle and the thread. I sowed it up quickly and bandaged his arm.

I picked Ritsuka up and carried him. He must have been exhausted because he passed out halfway back to the apartment. I carefully carried him inside so that I wouldn't wake him up. I carried him to my room. I set him on my bed and snuggled up close to him. I tried to get some sleep, but the events of the night wouldn't leave me be. I knew that I had been the one to cause him that pain and I had no idea how to fix it.

"I'm so sorry Ritsuka. I didn't want to hurt you." I said before I broke down. I hated crying, but I just couldn't hold it in.

I eventually lost consciousness. I welcomed the sleep gratefully and knew no more.

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><p><strong>(Ritsuka's Point Of View)<strong>

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><p>I woke up to the sunlight hitting my face. I didn't want to wake up just yet, but I couldn't fall back asleep.<p>

_'Why am I here? Last thing I remember is cutting myself and Soubi... SOUBI!' _I mentally screamed. I couldn't understand why he just wouldn't let me die. _'He obviously doesn't love me, so why keep me around?'_

Throughout all of that inner turmoil, I failed to notice the arms that were wrapped around me. When they tightened around me, I tensed. Before I was even aware that I was doing it, I started to hiss.

"Soubi! Let me go!" I said. I didn't know if he was awake or not, but I made damn sure that he would be.

I started to struggle. When the arms around me tightened further, I started to struggle harder.

"GOD DAMNIT SOUBI LET GO OF ME!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I knew that I had surprised him because his lessened for a fraction of a second. It was all I needed.

I managed to break free of his hold, but he was faster than I gave him credit for. Just before I got off of the bed, he managed to grab my wrist.

"Just let me go Soubi. Please." I said. I knew that he wouldn't listen, so I wasn't surprised when he pulled me back on the bed with him.

I turned on my other side so that I could glare at him. That proved to be a huge mistake. As I took in his long blonde hair and impossibly blue eyes, I couldn't stop the pain. I also couldn't help but notice how red his eyes were.

_'He must have cried himself to sleep last night. But why? He doesn't love me, so why even bother.'_ I thought to myself.

"Why Soubi? Why are you keeping me here?" I asked. I couldn't keep all of the pain out of my voice. I knew that I sounded heartbroken, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Instead of answering me, he closed the distance between our faces so fast that I didn't even have time to attempt to resist.

When our lips crashed together, I tried to ignore the way that my heart sped up, the way that my breath quickened, the way that I wanted to deepen the kiss, and the way that I never wanted it to end.

When we broke apart, I sighed and mentally prepared myself for the worst. Before I could speak, however, Soubi started to speak first.

"I'm sorry Ritsuka. I am so sorry. I didn't know what to say. You surprised me with your question. I never loved Seimei. He only used me for his own purposes. He was cruel and he beat me when I disobeyed him. If anything, any love that I had for him died when I first saw you. I could see such kindness in your eyes, and I started to hope that I might find someone to love me for me. And then I realized that you probably wouldn't feel the same way. When you started to shove me away, I knew that there would be no hope for us. I vowed then to protect you and be your friend. I couldn't help but steal a few small kisses from you every so often but I knew that we wouldn't ever be together. I started to distance myself from you because I was afraid that I would push you even further away from me. If I am honest with myself, I also pushed you away because I was afraid of getting hurt. It just hurt too much to be around you. To be able to see you, but not hold you. To be able to comfort you, but not love you. And then you kissed me for the first time, and I started to hope again. I never knew how dead I was inside until you came into my life. I understand if you hate me, but please... at least stay my friend. If you were out of my life completely, there would be no reason for me to live." Soubi said.

Throughout his entire speech, I realized how selfish I had been.

_'Of course he was surprised when I asked him if he loved Seimei. It just came out of the blue. I have hurt him so many times, and he just keeps coming back for more. What did I do to deserve him?'_ I asked myself silently.

"I believe you Soubi. I'm sorry that I hurt myself." I said.

Soubi smiled at me and kissed me. It started out slow, but soon grew in heat and passion. I still needed more. When we broke apart, I spoke before I could chicken out.

"Soubi. Please. Make love to me."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I am extremely sorry that it took so long for me to type this. Hopefully the next chapter won't be so bad. Only one chapter left before this fic is over. It is bittersweet. I love everyone who reads this and I wish it could be longer, but I just don't have it in me. I have a butt load of other ideas and I am just dying to act on them. Until next time, arrivederci!<strong>


	5. True Names

**Author's Note: This is the last chapter. I know that you guys have been waiting a long time for this story to come to a close. I hope that you like how it ends. Enjoy!**

**You absolutely MUST check out my friend/beta's profile. FULOFHYPERNESS, YOU ARE AWESOME!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: True Names<strong>

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><p><strong>(Soubi's Point Of View)<strong>

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><p>"Soubi. Please. Make love to me." Ritsuka said.<p>

On first impulse, I almost said that he wasn't ready. But then I remembered what had gotten us into this mess in the first place.

"As you wish. I love you Ritsuka." I said before crashing our lips together with bruising force.

My hands slowly made their way down his chest until they reached the hem of his shirt. I lifted it up and broke the kiss long enough so that I could take it off of him. I was very careful with his injured arm. When the shirt was off, I looked at the pale skin that had been revealed. What I saw made me gasp and shiver in pleasure. Ritsuka was lying there, panting slightly. His nipples were perked, probably from the cold air. His cat ears and tail were constantly twitching, like they couldn't keep still. His lips were a dark red from all of the kissing that we had been doing.

"God Ritsuka. You are so beautiful." I said reverently. I saw him blush heavily. His hands caught the hem of my shirt and quickly got it off. He left the bandages on my neck though. I was grateful for that. No need to bring it up after all.

When he got his fill of my exposed skin, he looked into my eyes. I was surprised to see sadness in their depths.

"What's the matter Ritsuka?" I asked.

"I am nothing compared to you. You are like a god. How can I be compared to you? How can I even have you as my own?" He asked quietly.

"How can you think that? You are absolutely flawless, where as I have so many scars that it would take a lifetime to count them all. I don't care if you see it or not. I love you for you. You are so kind and gentle and you are always putting everyone above yourself." I said.

Before he could argue any further, I captured his lips in a searing and passionate kiss. The words that I took to be on his lips turned into moans when my tongue touched his. I moaned as well. I swear that I could feel sparks flying.

After a moment, we broke apart. I moved my hands down to the top of his jeans. When I paused, he realized that I was asking for permission. When he lifted his hips, I took that as a yes.

I quickly took off his pants. When I looked down, I realized that he was already naked. It was then that I realized that he hadn't worn any underwear. When I raised my eyebrows at him, he blushed before answering my unspoken question.

"W-well I h-had no cl-clean un-underwear." He stuttered in embarrassment. I chuckled at how red he was. I saw his cock twitch at the sound as well.

"Well then. That just makes this that much easier." I said huskily. I knew that Ritsuka loved it when I talked like that.

Sure enough, he shuddered. He brought his hands up and behind my head. He forced me to bend my head. He kissed me so hard that I thought he would melt into me and we would become one person.

When his hands moved from the base of my skull, I kept my lips plastered to him. I felt his fingers ghost over my back before landing on my butt. I gasped into the kiss when his hands started to squeeze my cheeks.

I broke the kiss and took his hands off of my butt. When he started to protest, I silenced him with a finger to his lips.

I unbuttoned my jeans and took it all off, boxers as well. Once that was accomplished, I flipped us over, so that Ritsuka was the one on top of me.

"Wh-what are you doing Soubi?" He asked with lust glazed eyes.

Instead of answering, I took his hand and stuck three of his fingers into my mouth. I heard him gasp. The gasp melted into a low moan when I started to suck on the digits in my mouth.

When I felt that they were slick enough, I took them out, much to Ritsuka's obvious displeasure. I immediately placed his fingers at my entrance.

I heard Ritsuka gasp again and looked into his eyes. I saw the surprise, the fear, the lust, but most of all, I saw love in the shining violet depths.

"Are you sure Soubi? I don't want to hurt you." He said. I could tell that he was scared, but I knew that I needed this.

"Please Ritsuka. You are the Sacrifice. It is only right. I need you inside of me." I said pleadingly.

I saw him shudder at the last sentence. I also saw the fear and surprise in his eyes turn into a blazing determination.

He nodded and pushed one of his fingers inside. I tensed and he paused. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax. After another few seconds, I nodded and he pushed his finger the rest of the way in. When it was completely buried, he started to move it. I started to moan lightly at the sensation. I had never imagined that it could feel so good. Eventually, Ritsuka started to take too long.

"Ritsuka. Please. Add another finger." I begged.

He nodded again and pushed in his second finger. I forced myself to stay relaxed, even though it was rather difficult. When it was buried to the knuckle, he wasted no time in moving it. It didn't take me too long for me to get used to it. Once I did get used to it, I started to thrust back against the fingers.

It seemed to take forever for him to add his third and final finger. When he did, I couldn't keep my muscles from locking down. I managed to keep from screaming, but it was close. I could feel it bubbling in the back of my throat. The only thing that kept me from screaming was the fact that if I did, then Ritsuka wouldn't want to keep going. I wanted to show him that I did love him and that I was willing to do anything for him.

As it was, he almost stopped anyway. He started to take his fingers out and I knew that he wouldn't push them back in. I whined and shoved back onto his retreating digits, completely ignoring the shock of pain that shot up my spine.

"No Soubi. I'm hurting you. I won't do this while it hurts you." Ritsuka said softly. He took his fingers completely out of me.

Surprisingly, even to myself, I started to shake. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs, so I began to gasp. It wasn't until Ritsuka kissed my face that I realized that I was crying. When he kissed a tear away, I started to cry harder.

"What is wrong Soubi?" He asked. I could hear the concern in his voice and that is what caused me to break.

I grabbed Ritsuka and hugged him tightly to my chest.

"Please Ritsuka. Please. Take me. I need you so bad." I sobbed out. I felt him lift his head and I looked into his eyes. It looked like he was torn between two choices.

"Please." I whispered. I brought his face close to mine and kissed him with all of the passion that I had in my body.

He groaned and pushed his fingers back inside of me. He curled his fingers and my body arched towards him. He had directly hit my prostate and it had me seeing white. I moaned loudly and pushed harder against his fingers.

"Right there Ritsuka. Please. It feels so good." I said. I knew that I sounded needy, but I didn't care. I needed Ritsuka.

Ritsuka hit that spot a few more times before taking his fingers out. I groaned at the loss and did my best not to tell him to put them back in me. He lined his head up to my twitching entrance. When he paused just before pushing in, I had to stop myself before I pushed back against him. I didn't want to scare him off after all.

"Are you sure that you want to so this Soubi?" He asked.

When he asked that, I couldn't stop the groan of frustration that pushed past my lips, nor could I refrain from pushing back against him. I could feel him shiver when his head breached my tight ring of muscles.

"Don't hold back Ritsuka." I said.

Ritsuka shivered again and nodded. He pushed in further and I clenched my eyes against the onslaught of pain. I felt a few tears escape. As soon as they were out, they were tenderly kissed away.

When he was fully seated inside of me, he paused. I was gasping in air as if there weren't enough left in the world to fill up my lungs. I could hear Ritsuka's harsh breathing as well. I gratefully took the time that I was given to adjust. Ritsuka was already pretty big. He was only fourteen, but he was already almost six inches. I knew that he was going to get a lot bigger.

After a couple of minutes of nothing, I started to get impatient. I clenched the muscles surrounding his throbbing member. I think that his reaction surprised both of us. I know that it definitely surprised me.

When I clenched on him, he let out a sharp cry before pulling almost all of the way out. When he snapped his hips forward, I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. He had hit my prostate again, and it had felt so much better than his fingers.

When he realized what he had done, he paused again and started to apologize. I cut him off by switching our positions so that he I was sitting on top of him. I put my hands on either side of him and pulled myself up slowly. I pushed myself down just as slowly. I felt my eyelids flutter closed and I heard a pleasure filled groan. I didn't know if it was mine or Ritsuka's, but I didn't rightly care.

After a few more slow thrusts, I wanted to speed things up so I flipped us back over again. This time, Ritsuka got the picture and started a fast pace. It took him a few thrusts before he hit my prostate again but when he did, I almost came.

_'If he keeps hitting that spot, I won't last long.' _I thought to myself. When I tried to voice that thought, all that came out was a loud moan. When he heard it, Ritsuka gasped and sped up. I could tell that he was getting close because his thrusts started to become erratic.

Ritsuka must have known that I was close as well because he grabbed my member and started to pump it furiously. I nearly screamed as the double stimulation cause me to shoot my load across both of our chests.

"RITSUKA!" I yelled.

"SOUBI!" Ritsuka screamed as he went over the edge as well. I felt his cock pulse as wave after wave of cum filled me up to the brim.

Ritsuka collapsed on top of me, completely ignoring the cum that covered both of our chests.

"I love you Ritsuka." I said as I watched his ears and tail go stiff. I lovingly took them off and put them to the side. Ritsuka looked me in the eye, smiling as he did so.

"I love you too Soubi." He said before he gasped. His face scrunched up in pain and his hand flew to his neck.

"What's the matter Ritsuka?" I asked, concern clearly showing in my voice.

"I don't know. My neck just suddenly felt like it was on fire." He said.

"Here. Let me take a look." I said. When his hand left, I gasped in surprise.

"What? What is it Soubi?" He asked. When I didn't answer, he got up and went to the bathroom next to my room. I heard the light turn on and, a few seconds later, a gasp of shock eerily similar to mine.

When he came back, I was still in the exact same position I had been in. I looked into his eyes and saw shock and confusion. He sat down next to me and I reverently touched the one word that was now written across his throat.

**_'BELOVED'_**

"I thought that my true name was Loveless, not Beloved. I thought that Beloved was Seimei's true name." Ritsuka said.

Unknown to him, I had already had that same thought. I had already came to a conclusion as well.

"Ritsuka... I think that Seimei might have lied. He was the one to tell me that your true name was Loveless and that his was Beloved. I am guessing that he is the one to tell you that his name was Beloved as well." I said. The nod that Ritsuka gave me just confirmed my suspicions.

"So you're saying that Seimei took my true name and that I took his? Ha. A year ago, I would have slapped you for even suggesting that. Now, I wouldn't put anything past that bastard." Ritsuka said. The venom in his voice surprised me.

"You feel really strongly about that don't you?" I asked.

"Of course I do Soubi. He almost broke us apart more times than I care to count. Not to mention he hurt you." He said. I did the wise thing and decided not to say anything more on the subject.

"Let's not worry about how it happened. I am just thankful that it did happen." I said. I saw Ritsuka nod his head vigorously.

"Me too Soubi. The only bad thing is that now I am going to have to wear bandages around my neck. That will take some getting used to. As long as I am with you, I don't care though." He said.

I smiled at him and hugged him close. After a bit though, a thought struck me that should have hit me awhile before.

"Hey Ritsuka? What are we going to do about your ears?" I asked. He thought about it for a minute before answering.

"Absolutely nothing. I refuse to wear fake ears. Besides, I want everyone to know that I am taken." Ritsuka said.

I was surprised by his choice, but the more I thought about it, the better I liked the idea.

"All right Ritsuka." I said happily.

Ritsuka looked up at me and smiled. He grabbed my head and kissed me. I kissed back eagerly. When Ritsuka pulled back, I couldn't help the pout that transformed my features. Ritsuka laughed when he saw it.

"Don't worry love. You have me for as long as you want me." He said.

"Then you won't ever be leaving." I muttered to myself. Ritsuka's musical laugh enveloped me and I smiled. I couldn't help it.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: IT IS FINALLY FINISHED! YAY! I am glad that I could see this through to its completion. I hope that all of you love it as much as I loved writing it. I will see you guys soon with another story.<strong>


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